First time mama. Beautiful sounds coming from downstairs as I let myself in the upstairs door. The sounds of birth. Opera sounds, beautiful high pitched humming. Middle of the Night time. Papa grinning and nervous and joyous and absolutely helpful. Grandma sleepy and radiant in her anticipation mode.
Mama walking and rocking and swaying. I detected no nervousness in her. No fear. Only pain during rushes and lovely words, well spoken, in between.
"I don't mind that you're here" she says with a grin to Grandma. She may not have felt this way, depending on how she felt during birth, and she knew it, but also knew that things were right. Comfortable. Simple.
Back rubs, hip squeezes, reassurance, incentive, optimism, more walking, more talking in between rushes, concern over length, still no fear, sit down, stand up, lay on side, jump back up, more walking, smiles, frowns, scowls, smiles again, heat, hot, doors opened, fan on, cold rags, oils on back, lavender oil on sundress, mouth open wide, relaxing the perineum, opening the cervix, no previous Braxton Hicks, perfect body, tough, laboring on due date, bathroom pit stops, needs music, turn the music off, more walking, few simple questions, intuition abound, dreamy, focused, rub me, don't touch me, forfeit...
Midwife arrives, sets up chux pads, birthing stool, oxygen tank, midwifery supplies, soft whispers and smiles and questions. 2nd Midwife arrives, small voice, arms gently crossed, observant, sweet. 3rd Midwife arrives, calm, small simple energy, quiet voice, preparing and waiting patiently.
8cm at check. Relief. Empowerment. Righteous. Rightful. Ready.
Water bag leaking slowly, confusion, more power from knowing the end of labor is near, strength, love, pacing, forfeit again.
"Go with your body" "push when your body is ready" "baby sounds great" "each rush brings you closer to meeting her" "you are doing great" "perfect Mama" "that's right" "you ARE doing it" "your body will tell you when/what/how to do it" "listen to yourself" "beautiful" "no lip in the way" "open mouth" "take it down low" “listen to your body Mama” …and she does.
Cold wet rags on neck, hair in a pony tail sparkling with sweat, resting in between rushes, depending and leaning on the strength of that birthing stool.
"You’re doing it" "baby right there" "see that water bag bulging Papa?" "Got the camera ready Grandma?"
"How much longer?" she moans
“let’s move you, see if we can get a better heart tone on baby”
Move to the bed, on all fours, lioness humming during rushes, back to the birth stool, heart tones sounding great now.
Resting in between, water bag bulging still for a gentle protected entry, water bag ruptured, baby descends, Papa rushes to freshen water on the rag, baby’s head is out. Rest.
“Is she out?” “Not yet, she will be in a moment though”
BABY OUT. A girl. A beautiful dark colored drop into humanity. Many lives coming together as one…in this baby girl. The world stops to welcome another soul.
Whimpers and then cries. From baby and the rest of us also. Tears streaming and moods going from intense birthing to intense LOVE. Baby put directly on Mama’s belly. That sweet vernix smell, covering her every crack and crevice. Punctual, due date baby. Cries to tell Mama and Papa that she is fine. J
Direct move to the bed, suckling babe, overwhelmed with love and emotion and hormones-Mama. Smiling Papa. Overjoyed Grandma. Calls made. Tea prepared. Placenta delivered almost an hour later. Temp down, temp up, temp near normal. Suckling more. Mama check. No stitches. Newborn check. Perfect babe. Babe hears Mama’s voice and turns her lovely dark eyes in search of Mama’s voice. Then turns to check where Papa is. Babe is wide awake and filling the lives of us all with peace and love and hope and comfort. Dark hair glimmering. Long toes. Perfect kissy lips. Love.
There just is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child. Mama and Papa and Grandma (and friend/doula and midwives) studied her face, her fingers, the folds of her little legs, the tiny creases, her ears.
There are no songs to sing at birth because there are no words to name at that moment of instant love.
Grandma works to prepare breakfast in bed. Welcomed nourishment. Lovely companionship.
Mama looks at me and says: “I don’t think I could have done that in a hospital. I can’t imagine having to lie down. I can’t imagine not holding her instantly. I didn’t, during the entire time (even to her surprise) feel any FEAR”
Those words that Mama spoke… resound in me. No fear. Trust. Birth. Love. Emotion. Comfort. They are in my dreams, my thoughts, my heart.
Memorable, simple, trusting, loving and peaceful birth. First time Mama. My hero. Birth warrior. I fell in love that night, again and again. <3
This baby is, to date, lovely and beautiful and loved and cherished and addictive and healthy and growing and happy and she is a breathe of fresh air in a distant disturbed world…she is peace. Undisturbed.